No, it's not indulgent of you, Kyle. You're free to ship it to me. But allow me to set some expectations; they may change your mind about sending me anything.

I never criticize a person's writing style, nor even suggest changes to it. Doing so is like telling someone to bend a steel rod. If they do as I suggest, it'll look straight to me, but it may look unnaturally twisted to them.

My suggestions may disrupt their story's flow. Make it miss a beat. Cause it to hit a high note where they think it should hit a low one, or vice versa. I'm not concerned that my suggestions might hurt someone's feelings. It's that the suggestions might undermine the integrity of their writing.

One more important point. We'd be discussing things by email. Edit suggestions are most valuable when discussed with someone face-to-face.

In short, you'll do yourself the most good by finding someone you trust to read your material, and who you can discuss it with in person.