Dear Pat,

This is Piper, Catherine La Grange’s Border Terrier. Mom and I love reading your articles. The subjects are fascinating, and you write like a pro.

One complaint. It’s regarding when you write about how smart Cooper is, his superlative training, and how he helps you navigate life. Every time Mom reads that stuff, she turns to me, puts her hands on her hips, and says “Piper, why can’t you be like Cooper?” I sit up, point at her with my right paw, and say “Mom, why can’t you be like Pat?” That shuts her up. But this is getting old.

Next time you write about Cooper, please mention his flaws. And no, writing that he barfs won’t cut it; I do that myself. A lot. Nor will comments that he chews TV remote controls, hogs the bed, or wants to play or be let outside right after you’ve settled in a chair and gotten comfortable. I do those things all the time. To make me look good, you’re gonna have to make Cooper out to be - I don’t know - a supervillain or somethin’. Anything you can do to tarnish Cooper’s image will be greatly appreciated.

Your fan and firm friend, Piper.