Don’t worry, when I’m in the House, I won’t do squat — I’m Miss Piper La Grange, spinster, and I’m running for Congress. And I’ll shake your paw, lick your baby, or sniff your butt, if that’s what it takes to get your vote. I want to represent the people of Michigan’s 1st congressional district, which covers the Upper Peninsula and the…

“Not counting the ones we unsettled last week.” — The conservative justices on the United States Supreme Court have announced they’re blowing off the first four months of the next term. The reason is that they met at Ginni and Clarence’s house last Saturday, and overturned enough laws which right-wingers hate to justify not coming to work until January. …

By letting people put these in their front yards — A homeowners association in Michigan has cancelled its six mile fun run to ensure kids won’t be exposed to Critical 10k Race Theory. The Westhighland association is located on the Leelanau, a peninsula in Michigan’s Up North known for vast cherry orchards, miles of Lake Michigan beaches and, for the…

They don’t like to be fingered — Michigan proctologists have encountered prostates with hair, mouths and teeth. They’re warning men to deal with the situation carefully, else it’ll bite them in the ass. The doctors practice on the Leelanau, a peninsula in Michigan’s Up North known for vast cherry orchards, miles of Lake Michigan beaches, and men…

Everybody go Commando — The End Time is near, says a Christian group in Michigan, for behold, the Mark of the Beast has appeared. Granted, they admit, there have been false alarms in the past. But this time it’s for real, because the Mark is being rolled out by AT&T. The group, Joshua’s Trumpets…

And the town which charges people who leave it with felonious crapping — A Michigan city is the first in the nation to arrest people who leave their dog’s crap in other homeowners’ yards. Ann Arbor, located forty miles west of Detroit, is the state’s most liberal city. It’s also the most dog-friendly. Residents do more than set water bowls on sidewalks and…

Even scarier than Climate Change An alarming process is underway which threatens the manhood of extreme right-wing men everywhere. That process is Global Penis Change. The best way to understand GPC is by comparing it to Climate Change. Granted, they’re opposites in one way. Climate Change makes sea levels rise…

’Cause the Bible tells them so — In a notable change to fundamentalist dogma, evangelical women have determined that they have the God-given right to cut off their husband’s weenie if he gets out of line. The women reside on the Leelanau, a peninsula in Michigan’s Up North known for its vast cherry orchards, Lake Michigan beaches…

Follow the Reality Highway north to the Delusions exit We are pleased to announce the opening of Michigan’s latest conspiracy theory theme park: Conspiracy World, home of the Marjorie Taylor Greene Space Laser Light Show. Conspiracy World is ninety miles north of Detroit in the “Thumb”, so-called because, on a…